weekend to forget

Last weekend was a fleeting mess of drunken debauchery that I am hoping to forget as soon as enough brain cells commit suicide.

It began Friday when I drank too many banana daiquiris and watched two of the worst movies on earth, back to back. The first was "Saw" which was neither scary nor stylish as promised by the St. Louis Post. I'm not quite sure how it was deemed stylish in the first place. Maybe if the girl addicted to heroine with the inverted bear trap attached to her face was wearing Gucci but I doubt you would have noticed or cared. This movie will be added to my "Movies I Want to Cut My Eyes Out With a Rusty Spoon and Pour Vinegar in the Sockets After Watching" list, currently under construction.

The second movie was "Fight Club" which I can only describe as a testosterone induced pile of shit. I became increasingly annoyed at the duration and complete lack of sense this movie expelled. I was told it’s much better if you don't fall asleep 10 minutes before the end, but whatever.

do you totally loove my new bear trap face wrap? soooo super chic.

Saturday my little brother was in town with some friends. We visited the "Gates" in Central Park, http://www.centralparknyc.org/. I've been trying to come up with the perfect description of this artistic phenomena, one that truly conveys exactly what I felt while viewing this exhibit.

I guess the words "who cares" will do.

"honey, what in the world should we do with that extra 10 million dollars? feed the hungry, donate it to cancer research, no? hang orange flags in trees? sweet."

Later that night we headed for one of our old favorite bars "McDougall's". Granted this is the same bar I got arrested and handcuffed to the door and the same bar my friend got in a fight with the owner, we for some reason had not associated any bad luck with the place until now. When we arrived the first thing I noticed was that it was less than half as packed as I remember for a Saturday night. The second thing I notice was the putrid vomit/ diarrhea smell filling every inch of air in the place. When I traveled to the back room which used to be filled with people playing darts and getting wasted, there was one old man passed out on top of a table. I do not exaggerate. The bartender was no one I recognized but she forever will remain seared in my memory as the worst bar tender ever. She had the incredible ability to look completely busy and frazzled without actually doing anything. She tells me they are out of Yeager, I didn't think to look at the time but now I am sure it was there and she just didn't know what it was.

The second bar was pretty fun, I would have liked to stay but apparently I was asking 20 year old guys to sleep with my roommate and smashed a glass all over our table so we had to leave there too. Everyone else decided we should go home and drink since its free, I agreed because its close to my bed.

I do remember kicking the lesbian under the table trying to bite my crotch but I do not remember super gluing my hand to a Buddha statue in the bathroom.