a day in the life of a close

It was a vicious windy and rainy day when I took the train to my new home in Bronxville to meet with the lawyers and finally close on the co-op.

I swore aloud as the train slowly pulled out of Grand Central, travelling at a speed slightly slower than my 2 year old nephew can run. Trees down on the tracks caused by the storm prevented many trains from moving on time that day I was told.

It took me 2.5 hours to go 24 miles. 1.5 hours of which was stuck in a tunnel with no cell service. awesome.

I was unable to attend my own walk through of the new place, my broker having to handle for me. While I trust her with anything, I was a little upset that I was unable to check out the place I JUST BOUGHT AND WILL BE LIVING IN.

The salt in my freshly slashed face wound came when I passed the only "tree" that was downed on the tracks in 24 miles. Imagine a twig, not much bigger than the size of my 2 year old nephew, on the tracks with 4 work men in orange suits standing around it scratching their heads completely dumbfounded. NYC transit is so amazing.

My lawyer failed to tell me that I needed a certified bank check for closing costs until about 20 minutes before the meeting. This is awesome because my bank is located in Virginia approximately 364 miles from White Plains. My lawyer freaked out which is kind of like your heart surgeon freaking out right before he ties off the artery, pretty uncomfortable.

Waiting for the wire transfer was a dedication to patience, also a 4 hour staring/ awkward conversation starting/ stopping testament to SUCKIEST SITUATION EVER.

When the sellers attorney walked into the room everyone stopped what they were doing and shit in their pants a little bit. He was a very large man in the nicest big and tall men's suit I have ever seen. He had a huge gold watch and matching rings on both hands.

Everything about him was huge, especially his smile. He even knocked a picture off the wall when he came in, and I'm serious.

His name is Michael Marinaccio, a criminal lawyer and brother of the seller- just doing him a favor.

You may know him from UM BEING A FREAKING MAFIA LAWYER. I didn't find this out till 3/4's of the way through the meetings but it did explain why my own lawyer was sweating profusely.

Google him and you will find things like- "defense attorney to crazy psycho Mafia murderer Vinny "The Chin" Gigante, Genovese Family Boss who contracted the attempted murder of John Gotti".
http://www.ganglandnews.com/column53.htm

The seller (also president of the co-op board) is only moving upstairs and he and his wife have already invited me to Church and several of their get togethers. They also mentioned that they want to fix me up with someone. Can you imagine the people at their "get togethers"?

Finally, my dreams of marrying a fat rich gangster will come true, or I will turn up face down in the Hudson if I miss one mortgage payment.

My new place. Much better when imagining it filled with dangerous quidos.