St. Pat's Day 2005

Ohara's Bar with some Crazy Irish Boys.

fuck you clown

I was walking in Little Italy last Easter with my parents when I heard the most annoying voice ever. Imagine if Gilbert Godfrey was a burley chain smoker from Long Island who did not conjugate verbs and had a lisp.

When I realized the source of this disgusting noise I became even more annoyed. It was a clown sitting in one of those dunking booths screaming from the top of his lungs. What made him even more obnoxious was his mask was really scary. Nothing is more scary than a clown in the first place.

See you in your next NIGHTMARE Tracy! Bwaaahahahahahahahaha!

Not only did this clown sound like Fran Dresher with testosterone injections to the trachea, he was also the meanest heckler I have ever heard. He was swearing and spitting and saying things that would make a hooker blush.

The clown noticed my father and I walking by and that when the weirdest scenerio took place.

Scary Clown: "Yo Grandpa! Where the hell you think you're goin? Huh, Pillsbury Doughboy?"

Pops: Laughing (Cause he's that kind of guy.)

Scary Clown: "Come on old man, don't you wanna hit me? How about your grandaughter there, or wait, is that your grandson? Man, what a she-beast that one is!"

Me: "You talkin to me?" (Yes I actually said this like Joe Pesci.)

Scary Clown: "Yeah, come on you ugly she-beast! Hit me!"

At this point I was so angry I could have jumped in the booth and drown him with my bare hands. I quickly paid for some balls.

Side note: I was named rookie of the year by my office softball team this year. It was most definitely a pity vote, but I think it came in handy.

Scary Clown: "You wanna know why blondes are so dumb?"

I immediately wailed a ball and smacked the target knocking the clown into the freezing cold yellowy brown water.

Me: "Whose dumb now you fucker? I've got four balls left, how many do you have?"

Scary Clown: "I've got two and they're in your mouth!"

Let's just say this went on for a few minutes with the disgusting asshole clown getting dunked 3 more times. I even drew a small crowd, of which my father stood in the middle nearly peeing his pants he was laughing so hard.