ambien, the new heroin

My current drug of choice is Ambien. After going for about 2 years of generally sleepless nights I decided to do something about it. I was on the stuff for a few months, got back on track and was happy after losing ten lbs of eye bag fat. I decided to try it again in my effort to sleep in my new and scary place all alone.

I took one little guy and waited about an hour…nothin. So I took another little guy and waited about a half hour, still nothin. Not wanting to stage my own accidental suicide, I allowed myself only ½ a pill more. That’s 2.25 times the normal dosage, no biggie.

I woke up 9 hours later face down on my made bed with all my clothes on, all the lights on, in the house, and pee in my toilet.

What’s even more alarming, yes Mom I KNOW that’s alarming enough, I found out the next day that I “drunk” dialed half a dozen people. I guess that’s “sleep” dialed. I got a few voice messages that said blah blah, nice drunk message wastoid. (Okay no one said wastoid but it sounds cool).

Apparently I called my little brother to apologize for making fun of him for having a male cabbage patch doll, 12 YEARS AGO. Evidently I said more than once “I’m sorry you’re gay”.